DOSH, SHACK AND THE FUKKER’S BANK!

DOSH, SHACK AND THE FUKKER’S BANK!

I was sitting in my shack, rocking in my chair and singing the blues with my slide guitar when Dosh from the Fukker’s Bank walked in. He was rollin’ in it and I mean shit! 

He’d got himself bankrolled with a Trillion or two and was giving none of it away. I offered to sell him some of my goddamn poverty at half price but he stalled for advice. 

I figure a man ought to make his own decisions but not Dosh he had an industry of advisors and none of them could read darn it! 

I hung out with him on the wrong side of the tracks and how he forgot his roots I don’t know but he still managed to hit the sack with my lady, her knickers would come flying across the room and land fresh on my here guitar. 

I got a little rhythm going and he made the lady steam, whistle blowin’ God Almighty! Then I pulled him out of bed and kicked the shit out of him. We knew how to live back then and here he was living it again, with my lady! 

I figured he wouldn’t mind if I became him for a while seein’ how he was being me in bed with my woman, I took off to Central Howard with all his credentials. 

I was mighty well received in the big city and my credit was damn good. I bought me a few countries and changed things around for the better, though old Dosh would never approve! 

I gave them all decent homes and helped them set up their own enterprises and made a land fit for humans. 

Old Dosh was still fucking hard when I got back and I heard her scream the shack down but old Dosh was now flat broke, only thing is he didn’t know it yet! What’s money for if you don’t spend it and I spent it all for him. 

You might think a trillion or two is hard to spend in such a small space of time but not if you know the right people and I do! I was mighty sore that he had used my lady up like that, her sleeping like a log on the shack floor and all and he was mighty sore too, that I had used up his trillions. But we were old friends and called it quits. 

Old Dosh wandered out on the lone highway without a cent to his name. No one paid him any mind and he did without food for a while. Eventually he shacked up with a pair of Cougars, who kept him warm at night and he hunted alongside them. 

Well me, I continue to play the slide guitar and I still had a bit of dosh saved up and bought me a bigger place. The money had done a bunch of cities well and their enterprises thrived. 

Dosh stops by sometimes, stinking of Cougars. He never did have a lick o’ sense! He takes a shower and I’ll feed him a little oatmeal. 

A man can write his own story but the words have a mind of their own! I said “ Dosh, don’t believe your own hype ” but he was so used to buying his way out trouble he couldn’t see the damage he was doin’. 

Dosh was tuned to an open chord, the notes chimed together but no one could hold him down. 

The moral of this here story is, if anyone still has any morals “ Never fuck your best friends lady and leave your credentials in yer pants. It could seriously affect your credit rating! ” Well that’s about all folks! 

Howling Snakewater Jnr here at your service!

Text by Trev Teasdel